Be the Hostess with the Mostest This Holiday Season
November 24, 2016

Speed Dating

Y’all…

So I went to that Speed Dating event. I got all dolled up – got my make-up done at Nars and you couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t the prettiest person in the room. I know beauty is the eye of the beholder, but I was sho’ nuff the fairest in the land! Ha! (gotta love my self confidence) anywho! That jawn was a waste of a pair of disposable contacts. SMH First of all, there were like 30 women and 6/7 guys. The promoter said that he had hired anmarketing firm to help bring the men in. Maury said that the lie detector determined that THAT was a lie…at least, that was a shitty ass marketing company! Could’ve hired me! The men there looked like they were there as a favor to the promoter. Like “Alright. I’ll come through and holla at some bitches for you dawg.”

 

Anywho, so we get in there, the set-up was pretty descent. A room with tables, two chicks on one end of the table, invisible men on the other side. (sidenote, can you believe two broads were at the table eating dinner? Like big ass plated entrees at the damn speed date tables. You gotta be kidding me. You coudln’t be that hungry that you couldn’t wait until afterwards? Country asses!) Anyway, we were told to wait until the second round because clearly there weren’t enough men to go around.

 

We go to the bar, chill a little, come back AND the shit is over! The host is like, “oh, I meant get a drink and come right back” then out of pity, she sends a guy over to talk to me…Then they turn on the Wobble and ask everyone to start line dancing. (again with the country shit) So a friend of mine that I have been hanging out with lately has recently decided that she is interested in black men. (She’s black) For the longest, her preference had been white men, now she’s decided to embrace the Nubians. What I thought would be a single road- dawg seems to be turning into direct competition – especially since it doesn’t seem like she’s developed a TYPE yet so she’s swerving in and out of lanes INCLUDING MINE…I’ve never been in competition with a friend and don’t intend to start…

 

Back to Speed dating. So, I sit down, the guy sits down, AND my friend sits down…all at the same damn table. So, being as though my territorial Leo the Lion ass wasn’t about to share shit, I got up and let them socialize. I went to the bar to pout over a scotch on the rocks. Meanwhile, some belligerent, drunk ass woman was yelling at one of the male hosts, calling him a “piece of shit” “pussy ass nigga” and SCREAMING about how she wants either her money back or more drink tickets. I wanted to be like “bitch, you don’t need to be speed dating, you need AA. No wonder why you don’t have a man.”…but I just let her go off on the promoter cuz he sure as shit deserved it with what I described to him as a “fish fest.”

…My friend finished her little 2 min date. So the guy she was talking to, comes up to me at the bar and starts a convo. My friend is on my right, he’s on my left and I’m in between trying to have a convo with him and my friend is trying to have a convo with the two of us – A MESS! Long story short, no love connection. Welp, that spot was a bust so we decided to go to a local bar where there was a better scene.

 

At said bar, there was a cutie sitting right next to me. My friend sits on the right, again, the NEW guy on my left. So I start socializing, breaking the ice, getting my mack on. So…my friend starts getting into the convo. Now, I normally wouldn’t mind, but the unspoken rule of taking the sideline and learning when to be the wing man, seemed to be null and void in this situation. This was a free for all I guess. I feel like if I’ve got the balls to talk to a guy, break the ice and lead the convo then that’s my conquest and at some point, the friend should let me do me right?

I GUESS NOT. Don’t you know, when I went to the restroom, I come back and these two are exchanging numbers!!!?!!!!!! WHAT!?!! Threw salt ALL IN MY GAME! Mind you, she was the one who initiated the number exchange…SHADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Reminds me of this slutty roommate that I had in college that would screw any guy that was interested in me, not because she was interested in them, but just so I couldn’t date them. It was to SPITE ME.

Yeah…this situation reminded me of that.

I’ve never felt like I was in competition my friends…and I’ve had some very attractive friends. I guess that happens when you’re secure and self confident, you could give a shit about worrying about what anyone else is doing or tryna rain on their parade.

We all either 1. had our own different “types” and 2. knew when to fall the FUCK back. If I see my friend interested, I fall back, start up a convo with someone else or play with my phone. Something! She usually gets him to buy me a drink as a consolation prize and my homie then asks if he has any friends for future outings and vice versa…NEVER have I had anyone pull some sneak shit on me like that! Make matters worse, she didn’t even call him back when he called the next day. Said she didn’t feel like being bothered and blocked his number…SMFH

“Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action” – I’m Fleming Don’t think I’m going to let it get to 3 times ya’heard?! To me, once is a coincidence, twice is pattern and I am NOT one to keep getting played. This is where my married friends become useful…they make the best wing-(wo)men! THAT situation, can’t even sort of kind of happen again. Damn that!!

I guess dating at 30 among single black professional women is the HUNGER GAMES! The thirst is real. Everyone out for themselves. No honor. No integrity. Just a race against time to get married and paired up before we get stuck on the outside looking in. Sigh…#thestruggle

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